Thursday, September 5, 2013

To Be Or Not To Be?

What I am? Domme, Sub?

This behavior always happens to a friend of a friend of a friend mine. But usually this friend is in mirror looking to me and I swear I'm not. This behavior is called SWITCH.

In last month we had subs changed to Mistress, including me. Until I discovery that Switch is a behavior and I’m not unique, I was very upset. To demystify and learn a little about this subject, we talked with Governess Brittany D'Morgann. Our AYA’s behavior specialist.

It is quite understandable that someone be confused with the term, said Governess Brittany. To understand what a switch is you need understand what Dominant and submissive mean. A switch is someone who has the capacity to do both roles with varying degrees. What you need to know about switches is there are many types.

Think of Switch as a % scale, 1% sub 99% Dom to 99% sub 1% Dom. It is extremely rare to find a true 50/50 switch. Fake for example Miss XXXXX, when I first met her she was very submissive but even then I saw in her the Dominant fire. So at the time she was let’s say 80% submissive and 20% Dominant, she didn’t really know it herself. As she has learned more about being a Domme she has shifted that balance more to 40% submissive 60% Dominant.

Here at AYA there are many switches on both sides of the coin. There are some maids who have natural tendency to lead others and in a way this is a type of Dominance. Just as the Mistress's there are some who have a tendency to submit to those who are stronger than them.

So when this balance becomes more dominant is expects that person to change their role?

Well they can but it would be difficult to change their position to something they are not able to handle. Understandably so, they would fail hard and as the Domme's here at AYA we keep a close eye on those who are attempting to change the Dominants, those of us who have little to no submissive feelings like myself help guiding those into recognizing their limits.

Imagine if you would someone trying to take on role of Domme who truly isn’t able to be a Dominant but they do it anyways and take a sub. That sub could be damaged or jaded because their Owner was not able to teach or guide them properly.

“Want be a Dom don’t say that can be one.”

Well I have watched Miss XXXX progress very carefully. Had I seen her reach her limit and she attempted to go beyond I could have spoken to her and explained that at the time has reached her potential, but with all things this could change gradually.

At some point, the Switcher will have the necessity of change from sub to Domme? Its normal them?

At some point the Switch may change from sub to Domme yes however, often a switch will have both an Owner and a submissive. Because for them to give up one for the other would be just as harmful to them as it would be to not do it in first place.

It’s usually them?


But still with the Miss XXXX example being as she is new to being a Domme I do not think it would be wise for her to attempt to have more than 1 submissive. It would become very stressful on her. But if she was to Dom another switch and they mesh well that becomes easier the question is are they truly right for one another.

You are saying that two switches can be a good couple?

Yes, as long as both don’t fight for the same position. If both try to top each other at same time, that can cause friction in both the D/s relationship as well as marriage. Is why 50/50s are so rare.
Typically even in a vanilla relationship one partner is usually slightly more in control, because of stress and heartache. They can still take turns switching but ultimately the one more Dominant will make a bulk of the decisions themselves.

Summarizing them:
  • Switch it is a scale, often will fluctuate a bit as they learn more of the new role;
  • Its normal behavior, like be 100% Domme or 100% Sub;
  • Want to be a Domme does not mean that you can be one, just because you desire it does not mean you have the skills, personality or even ability to handle a submissive;
  • In a double switch , one will always be a little more dominant than the other.

Typically they try to share the roles evenly it is very common for a Dom Switch to be patterned with a sub Switch. What this entails is the Dom switch sometimes submits to the sub Switch.

I should point out a Dominant who seeks to learn more about their submissive side. It takes a truly strong Dominant to top the other. It usually ends up being someone they admire or respect a great deal and willing to accept their role.

Thank you Miss Bryttany for more one time shares with us your knowledge.

By Marta
Revised Brittany


  1. I sometimes wonder if I'm as submissive as I thought. I had been in a very brief D/s relationship. Even though she hadn't been mean to me, I sorta felt like a thing rather than a person, which I really couldn't handle.

  2. Very interesting, Brittany...thank you:)

  3. Great article! As a 90% dominant switch I can relate to all that was said.